Once Upon a Letter

Sipra Pati 

I recently found a letter written to me by Minakshi in January 1991. Needless to say, it triggered memories of a time when letters were the only means of long-distance communication between friends – the purchase of flowery, coloured stationery to write on, visits to the neighborhood post office to pick up postage stamps (beseeching the postal clerk to sell one stamps, newer and more interesting than the tired brown-on-white Gandhiji ones), settling down on a cushioned diwan propping the letter pad on the knees with previously received letters on the side, sometimes a cup of coffee to stimulate the connection between the brain and the fingers… No sooner did I stop smiling at the image, that I had the urge to share this papery blast from the past with folks who would, perhaps, feel the same flush of nostalgia.

I was not wrong. Well… not entirely. Minutes after I posted the picture, Sankalpa responded – rendering my nostalgic foray into the past a fleck of dust. I had no way of anticipating the ‘what’ the letter would trigger or the roads and inroads my friends would amble into. This much was true – they did not disappoint me! I thought it was too interesting of a conversation to languish in the bowels of WhatsApp drudgery and bonhomie (not necessarily in that order). So here’s the conversation. 

On Nov 28, at about 6.30 pm, I posted the picture of Minakshi’s letter with a caption that read “Long, long ago… when the post office was an integral part of our lives.”

Sankalpa: Those were the days! I could write a letter and tear it up. Nowadays I post on   WhatsApp and tear my hair.

Sushant: Sankalpa, you still have the luxury of tearing something and that too hair. Many will envy you...

Sipra: Why all the drama, Sankalpa - just clear as you go!

Gautam: Yes Sankalpa. For guys like me & Tariq, it's a luxury!

Sankalpa: I have, for your information, almost total alopecia. And I don't think anyone's baldness is better than mine. That is the problem, how can anyone stop himself when he has a dramatic urge?

Sipra: I retract.... Do not... You have a captive audience here!

Mrigank: Thanks for explaining the dramatic urge...someone else I know in my vicinity happens to have the same trait

Sankalpa: Hi Mick, don't you have these feelings, just after you hit the send button?

Mrigank: Kinda do... although some of it is mildly calculated.

Gautam: All of us have.

Sankalpa: I suppose most people have it.

Gautam: You know best doc!

Mrigank: Not being able to tear your hair is still a few cuts better than having someone's vicious dog set on you!

Sankalpa: Is that what happened to you? Gosh! This fellow (who set his dog on you) has a malignant dramatic urge.

Mrigank: No – thankfully I made the progression from acquaintance to friend rather late in life and so the dog wasn't set on me either as a passing fancy or in actuality!

Sankalpa: ‘Can't be too careful these days.

Mrigank: Some kids grow out of their teenage hormones that compel them to set their pet dogs at people that might cross them – you know how it goes Doc. 

Sankalpa: I will give an example. One doc thinks it is right because it is a congresswalah getting hit. I have told him off. I am going have one friend less.

Mrigank: Graphic!

Sankalpa: One of my college friends (a boy) went to see a class mate (a girl). The girl denied she knew the boy. The girl's father set the dog on the boy. True Story.

Mrigank: In my anecdote too I haven't hinted at the gender of the dog whisperer yet... maybe someday.

Smarajit: Kahin woh ladka tum to nahin....

Sankalpa: Not that time. I chose girl friends who either didn't have a dog or didn't have a father or both.  Did you ever have a girl friend who had a dog?

Sipra: Your process of elimination does seem to have a scientific undertone to it, Sankalpa.

Sankalpa: I know, it made my sample size very small.

Sipra: Very smart! But how did you get access to the data?

Sid Padhi: Concentrate on the dog. The jaw size matters.

Sankalpa: Whose jaw size?

Sid Padhi: The dog, not the GF.

Mrigank: Depending on the moxy of the girl one of those options could have endangered you still!

Sankalpa: What is Moxy?

Sid Padhi: Are you talking of the dog or the GF now?

Sankalpa: Mick is talking about kulfi. I was trying to remain quiet.

Mrigank: Yeah that's better. Sid – when the ice is thin on the lake it is better not to skate on it… 

Sid Padhi: I had to clarify.

Smarajit: It's the dog… 

Sid Padhi: So it's moxy by proxy.

Sid Padhi: I had a dog who had a girlfriend. She was quite a •itch•. Parding your beggon, kister monductor. 

Sankalpa: I knew you would find it difficult to resist. You must have been itching.

Sid Padhi: At the right place at the right time.

Sankalpa: The pleasure of a good itch scratched! 

Sid Padhi: The only real pleasure in an eczematous wretch.

Mrigank: Moxie not moxy.

Subhashis: Moxy is noun.

Sid Padhi: You are out of context here. We are discussing the pleasure of an itch, well scratched.

Subhashis: I am following.

Mrigank: Thanks Subu...

Sankalpa: Why is Moxie better than Moxy?

Subhashis: Your North American usages

Sankalpa: I don't like either. Reminds me of amoxycilin and paroxetine and other work-related things.

Mrigank: It isn't, but someone forced me to believe I was wrong... but you guys came to my rescue.

Sankalpa: So you weren't wrong and no one had set their dog on you.

Mrigank: No one had set their dog on me – no, but they shared their feelings of being tempted to set their dog on other people 

Sid Padhi: All the best with the moxy. Carry on. Amoxy – that which is not moxy.

Baldness, dogs, girlfriends and their fathers, itches and antibiotics, the tussle between the American and British usage of words – this was much more and beyond the expected oohs, ahs, sighs, and the odd chance of someone playing the curious cat and asking me about the contents of a letter written a quarter century (yes… the number is right; the collective us are at a point in life where this unit of time can be used in reference to ourselves) back – but oh, for the many digressions of the human mind!

A couple of acknowledgments and disclaimers: 

Some of our friends gave me a blanket ‘go ahead’ in repeating their statements (thank you for the trust), while some wanted to be sure about what exactly I was quoting (I would have done the same thing). Thank you Sankalpa, Gautam, Mrigank, Subhashis, Siddharth Padhi, and Smarajit for a fun conversation that did test (to some extent) the distances a human mind can travel... and some.

I took the liberty of omitting talk that flowed in between pertaining to things that did not emanate from or pertain to the letter. I also omitted the emoticons punctuating the conversation, which was more a compatibility issue than anything else. The conversation has minor edits pertaining to spelling, punctuation, and the occasional grammar, all which are not priority in a fast-flowing conversational atmosphere, characteristic of WhatsApp.

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